If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
