I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
