i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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