I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Shame is for Republicans.
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