areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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