is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
