Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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