On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Panties = found
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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