Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
