He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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