Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
