He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
