OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
