thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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