if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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