Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
