New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
