did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
