If that was your dad, he is hot
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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