just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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