Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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