Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
