ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
