I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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