Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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