I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
