Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
