im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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