So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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