found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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