Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
