Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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