saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
