i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
