YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
