return my video game
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
