I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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