So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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