i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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