this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
