i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
