Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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