they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
