the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
