i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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