fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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