Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
