I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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