so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
