Pants 0. Shit 1.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
