Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
