4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I want to fling myself into the sun
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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