so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
