There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
